Lover of the Light Read online

  Lover of the Light

  Sydney Taylor

  For Judy

  Even in heaven, you inspire me

  -Taylor

  Copyright © 2018 Sydney Taylor

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  All trademark references mentioned in this book, including movies, movie characters or television shows, are the property of the respective copyright holders and trademark owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons is entirely coincidental.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1 March16th,2012 9:48 p.m.

  Chapter 2 March 17th, 2012 12:38 a.m.

  Chapter 3 March 17th, 2012 3:25 a.m.

  Chapter 4 March 17th, 2012 Unknown

  Chapter 5 March 17th, 2012 9:30 a.m.

  Chapter 6 March 17th, 2012 11:46 a.m.

  Chapter 7 March 19th, 2012 8:20 a.m.

  Chapter 8 March 19th, 2012 4:10 p.m.

  Chapter 9 April 16th, 2012 3:32 p.m.

  Chapter 10 April 22nd, 2012 1:22 p.m.

  Chapter 11 May 3rd, 2012 10:10 a.m.

  Chapter 12 May 4th, 2012 10:20 p.m.

  Chapter 13 May 11th, 2012 7:45 p.m.

  Chapter 14 May 11th, 2012 11:00 p.m.

  Chapter 15 May 12th, 2012 9:00 a.m.

  Chapter 16 May 12th, 2012 2:08 p.m.

  Chapter 17 May 12th, 2012 5:00 p.m.

  Chapter 18 May 12th, 2012 Time

  Chapter 19 May 14th, 2012 7:45 a.m.

  Chapter 20 May 16th, 2012 10:45 a.m.

  Chapter 21 May 16th, 2012 11:14 a.m.

  Chapter 22 June 20th, 2012 10:00 p.m.

  Chapter 23 July 4th, 2012 8:15 p.m.

  Chapter 24 July 12th, 2012 1:12 p.m.

  Chapter 25 July 29th, 2012 11:25 a.m.

  Chapter 26 August 1st, 2012 10:12 p.m.

  Chapter 27 August 10th, 2012 11:24 a.m.

  Chapter 28 August 16th, 2012 10:32 a.m.

  Chapter 29 August 25th, 2012 8:25 p.m.

  Chapter 30 October 1st, 2012 1:27 p.m.

  Chapter 31 October 5th, 2012 2:55 p.m.

  Chapter 32 October 6th, 2012 9:00 a.m.

  Chapter 33 October 20th, 2012 9:31 p.m.

  Chapter 34 October 31st, 2012 9:10 p.m.

  Chapter 35 November 1st 2012 10:00 a.m.

  Chapter 36 November 1st, 2012 1:00 p.m.

  Chapter 37 November 22nd, 2012

  Epilogue

  Chapter 1

  March16th,2012

  9:48 p.m.

  My mom used to tell me that I would be happier if I saw myself in a different light. While my mother may have her spontaneous moments of wisdom, I think that it doesn’t matter. A person doesn’t change from the light they stand beneath, and I will always be this.

  Simple.

  Small town.

  Boring.

  I try to make it through school with a 95% average. Before I know it, my grades have dropped below a B average, and I settle my goal for a C average. I strive to do better, be better. But in the end, this is me. I’m at a party with the same small group of people I grew up with, and not much has changed about me.

  And I don’t try to give off this typical self-loathing teenager vibe, this is just my way of accepting that I don’t possess many redeeming qualities that make me better than anyone else in town. I am who I am, where I am, and those are the two foremost things I cannot change about myself.

  “Do you think he’s going to be okay?” My brother’s girlfriend, Hailee, whispers to Chase, believing I’m too occupied to notice. “He does this every weekend. He’s like that kid who sits in the back of class and doesn’t talk to anybody, only this is a party and he just drinks the beer and stares.”

  Chase curses. “You act like he doesn’t know how to talk to someone. My brother knows how to socialize.”

  I haven’t always like this.

  I used to care about how my hair looked before I left the house. I used to shave the lint from my jeans and ask my mom how she was doing every morning. I would wear my favorite baseball tee, clean my shoes, wet my hair and brush my teeth religiously because even then my smile meant something.

  Things change.

  "Hey." I hear a pretty voice, but I don't tear my eyes from the beer in my hand. This town is filled with them. Beer and pretty voices. "Is this seat taken?"

  I don’t know why I feel tempted to move my eyes, but I do it anyway. I'm not disappointed.

  She is just as pretty as the sound of her voice. Warm brown eyes, gossamer lips, flushed cheeks, and an outfit I don’t quite understand. It’s some sort of dress with shorts attached, which makes me wonder how the hell she goes to the bathroom with that thing on. Does she have to take off the whole outfit?

  I lift my eyes further to the most unique auburn hair I’ve ever seen. The ends of her ringlets are splattered in specs of blue and bright green, which is totally weird, but it contrasts well against her pale skin.

  Without giving it a second thought, I make room on the bench for her to have a seat. She flashes me a smile. There’s something about the curve of her lips that makes me feel like I’m seeing someone smile for the first time. I can smell her now. Lavender, vanilla, and the sweet smell of malt liquor. It’s an enticing concoction and leads me to draw a blank when she asks me a question.

  "Do you go to school around here?"

  “I…”

  It takes my hormone-filled brain a moment to process her words. That's a stupid question. There isn't another school for another thirty miles, unless she's insinuating that I'm a dropout. Which... well, over half of these people are.

  I look to welcoming brown eyes and the bitter feeling in the pit of my stomach dissipates. I’m not that drunk. It's just the look in this strange girl's eyes that puts me at an unnatural ease.

  I don’t like it.

  So I drink, because that’s what I do best.

  I look away, then back to her. I'm awkward, and I'm certainly not the friendliest, so I don’t know why she chose to sit here.

  Finally, I open my mouth to respond. "I'm a junior."

  She smiles effortlessly, and I wonder how it's so easy for her. No one smiles around here. "I'm Audrey. Lainey brought me here."

  I have no idea who Lainey is. I don't really care enough to ask, either.

  "Blake." I offer my hand, because it seems like a normal thing to do. Before I can second guess myself, she shakes it like we’re business partners and not teenagers at a party.

  The lambent smile on her face is unbreakable as she scans the party. It’s nothing special. Picnic tables and chairs line the beach, and there is a bonfire not far from the shore where kids huddle around laughing. There’s another group of guys farther down who are playing some sort of card game. My eyes drift to the darkness and the sound of the waves crashing is almost loud enough to overpower the music playing in my left ear.

  "I’m not really into country music.” Audrey breaks the silence. “What are you listening to?"

  My lips curve against my will. "Fleet Foxes.” I offer my unused earbud. “You want to listen?"

  Her eyes drop to my hand.

  “Sure.”

  This isn't me. I don't share earbuds. I don't share anything with anyone. But I like these warm, trusting eyes and the unavoidab
le way my body is drawn to hers. I like this sweet-scented stranger and her friendliness. Maybe Audrey reminds me of something I haven't had in a while.

  Like a new beginning.

  Chapter 2

  March 17th, 2012

  12:38 a.m.

  New Beginning is laughing, and I think it's because of me. And I am a little buzzed, so I can’t tell whether she’s laughing at me or with me, but I decide that I don’t care. I just want to make this girl smile, but it isn’t hard to do when she makes light out of anything.

  I haven't seen Chase in a while, but I figure that’s because he sees me talking to a girl and thinks he's doing me a favor by not coming over.

  "Can I ask you a, sort of, generic question?” Audrey begins. “And I promise I’m not asking this to berate you or anything, but do you want to go to college?”

  She laughs as I freeze and blanch at the question. I push my hair away from my face to see her clearly. I need a haircut. "Not exactly generic. Were you searching for a conversation starter?”

  She rolls her eyes. “More like I was searching to know more about you. Do you want to go, or not?”

  The tightening in my lips is all the answer she needs.

  "Oh, come on." She swipes at my arm. "Don't feed me any of that 'I can't go to college because I'm dumb and poor' crap."

  She laughs at whatever expression I make. I imagine its a mixture of shock and disbelief. "What if I really am dumb and poor?" I realize that I have to try to stop smiling long enough to take a drink of my beer that I definitely don't need any more of. My head is feeling light and my eyes never leave her face.

  She shrugs. I notice the flush in her cheeks and I wonder if it's from the alcohol or something I said. “I used to think anybody could go to college. But really, money is everything and if you don’t have it, you don’t go.”

  "Audrey." I shake my head. "I've known you for three hours, and this is probably the most intelligent conversation I've had with another human being in this town. If anyone could go to college with no money here, it’s you."

  I feel loopy, drunk and jumbled.

  I want to know this girl, though. So I press, "Why'd you come here?"

  "I told you. Lainey brought me."

  I have no idea who the hell Lainey is, but I'm not sure tI like her. I mean, she obviously doesn't care enough about her friend to come check on her. And if I don't know Lainey, she obviously doesn't know me.

  "No, not here,” I persist. “To this town."

  Earthy brown eyes roam the beach again. "You still haven't answered my question."

  I furrow my brows. "What?"

  "About college. What do you want to do?" Audrey leans forward with her elbows planted to the table, like she really finds this topic interesting.

  I decide to humor her. "What if I want to drive trucks?"

  She snorts, and I find myself laughing at the sound. "Aren't you big dream believer? I can help you out there, bud. I know some truckers."

  "You know some truckers? That sounds a little sketchy."

  "So does that bold faced lie you just called a dream. No offense. I know a few truck drivers, it’s a great opportunity if you want to get out and drive around.” She shoots me another one of those smiles that leave me breathless. “Have you ever seen Joy Ride?"

  I furrow my brows and contain my laugh at the bizarre shift in conversation. "Um, is that a movie or something?"

  She nods carefully, sensing my confusion. "Yeah. Why? Don't you watch movies?"

  I shake my head, holding her gaze. "No."

  She gasps in shock. "No." Placing her hand over her heart, she leans in. "Blake, excuse my fucking French, but you live in the shittiest town on the planet. What the hell do you do all day when you're not-not learning school?"

  I can't help it, I bust out laughing.

  She does, too. "Do you work on a farm or something?"

  I shake my head, still laughing. "Um." I rub the back of my neck. "I don't really do much. I have a paper route. Sometimes I work at the market. I'm a bag boy when they need me."

  "Oh." She nods. "So you are a bored, small-town boy."

  I shrug, looking around the beach. People are gathered around the fire. No one really looks happy to be here, except maybe Audrey. "Who isn't bored?"

  She's quiet. Contemplative.

  "What, you aren't bored?" I laugh.

  This girl's timid smile is the kind you could light up a room with. "No, I’m not. I can be. I just don't let myself get to that point. People get bored, and they get sulky and start to not care. Time is invaluable, you know? We should be trying to make each second seem as fulfilling as possible."

  I just stare at her for a moment. "That sounds exhausting."

  "Hey, man." My eyes pan to my brother standing a few feet away from us with his girlfriend under his arm. Dipping his head to the parking lot, he waves my way. "We were about to head out. You gonna stay for a little while?"

  "Yeah,” I answer without much hesitation. "Audrey, this is my brother, Chase, and his girlfriend Hailee."

  "Hey.” Hailee waves. “You're friends with Lainey, right?"

  Who the hell is Lainey?

  Audrey nods. "She's my cousin."

  Hailee has a wicked grin. "You know she’s probably going to subject you to cheerleading or something."

  Audrey lifts her eyebrows, her lips parting without sound. She looks terrified. "There's a cheerleading squad here?"

  Hailee nods, smirking at her. "But no football. Lainey didn't tell you she was captain?"

  She shakes her head, confused. "Oh god. That sounds awful." She rubs her cheek. "Please tell me you have to pass tryouts or something."

  Hailee scrunches her nose up, which I'm assuming means no.

  "Ugh." Audrey buries her head in her hands, and I wonder where the look-at-the-brightside girl I just saw two seconds ago went. "This has disaster written all over it."

  "Hey, I could always tell her that you're joining my photography club," Hailee offers.

  Audrey lifts an eyebrow at her, peeping up from her hands. "You have a photography club?"

  Hailee grins. "As far as she knows. I hate cheerleading too. Any sort of gymnastics, really. Once a month, I just go around taking pictures of random shit and I show them to her at the end of each month. They even put a picture I took in the yearbook last year."

  Chase chuckles and kisses Hailee's temple. "Baby, you're insane."

  "Oh thank god." Audrey laughs, dropping her hands in her lap. "I will take as many pictures as you want, just don’t let that near me.”

  Hailee nods. "Yeah, don't worry. I'm anti-cheerleading. It's, like, the first step into fascism." They laugh. “No, I'm kidding. Ish. But we have to go, before my dad finds out I'm still gone."

  "Oh okay, it was nice meeting you." Audrey waves as Hailee and Chase leave, not fast enough for my liking. She sighs, peering over to me through her lashes. "You want to get another drink?"

  I don't think I'm going to get enough time with this girl, so I nod.

  Chapter 3

  March 17th, 2012

  3:25 a.m.

  There are, probably, two things of which I am absolutely sure of in my state of inebriation.

  One, this is such a bad idea.

  Two, and most assuredly, Lainey is a shitty cousin and a terrible friend, because I still don't know who she is, and she hasn't made herself known to me or Audrey all night. How does she know if Audrey is safe? I could be a total creep.

  Other than that, things are pretty hazy.

  "Are you sure about this?" Audrey shivers and leans into me for warmth. It's kind of the best thing that's ever happened to me.

  So warm.

  We're standing between my screen and front door while I struggle to remember which key goes to my house, my aunt's, my mom's car, my car, and the garage door. I only need one key, but I still carry them all around. They’re all silver, and they’re all manufactured by the same company.

  I'm so fucking stupid.

>   I love how I realize this now, of all times. While I'm plastered and trying to sneak this beautiful and equally-if-not-just-as intoxicated girl into my room so that we can get even more shitfaced. This is what it took for me to realize what an idiot I am.

  I notice the new girl is smiling at me and mellowing out a little.

  She’s so pretty.

  Audrey sees my struggle, and she busts out laughing at my obvious predicament.

  "Shh," I tell her, but I don't really mean it. I'm in love with this girl's laugh. "My mom might be home."

  I finally find the right key. It turns out that I had it right the first time; I had just put it in upside down.

  "Oh no, Blake." Audrey stops in the doorway, blanching. "I feel like I shouldn’t be here."

  "What? Why?" I look around myself, wondering where the hell that came from. "Are you past curfew or something?"

  "Um." She laughs, looking around herself before dropping her gaze to the ground. "Yeah. I mean, obviously. But I can't disrespect your mom by coming into her house without her knowing."

  I stare.

  Is she serious?

  "Stop.” I grab her forearm and pull her through the threshold, kicking the door shut behind me. "My room is the second door on the right."

  She stumbles ahead of me, looking around the house that I'm glad is too dark for her to truly see. It's probably a mess. There's probably a sink full of dishes and the coffee table is probably covered with unpaid bills. I’m pretty sure Chase got fast food and made a mess that Hailee or I will have to clean up in the morning, if either of us even wakes up before noon. If Hailee isn’t in trouble because of him. That happens a lot.

  I follow Audrey to my bedroom in slow, careful steps. I'm not afraid to get caught, but I am afraid to trip.

  I'm too drunk. My vision is a little hazy, my shoulders feel a little heavy, and my head kind of hurts. I'm not thinking straight, and I know this. But I don't want to let this girl go home yet.

  I shut the door to my room and slip out of my shoes while Brightside sashays to my music collection and starts flipping through a bin of CDs that sit on the edge of my bed. "Whoa, these are all so old. Do you really like this stuff?”